Own. Your. Shit.

Is anyone else as lost as I am when it comes to who we should be blaming for what? I mean, I don't have a pension and home buying isn't something I'm considering soon so the only real issue with baby boomers I have is that they are a bit overly assertive in their motor vehicles. I mean sure, I'll acknowledge the faults in our system in failing to calculate for erratic population hikes but I'm not going to tell Carol to fuck off when she tries handing me a re/max flyer she learned to make at a seminar for female realtors in Cancun last June that she took with some other girlfriends who were wanting to "get out of the house and be a career woman" and finally said oh the heck with hockey practice, I'ma do me bitches. But I digress, Carol you're doing just fine. Just watch your mid size in the turn lanes okay? We only got but one road to share.


Millennials, though, god aren't we supposed to really fucking suck, eh? Or some I'm told, I don't know....I've been doing drugs for the past 4 years I imagine we are probably acting like giant douche-nozzles but I've been too busy trying not to give a flying fuck to notice --- in fact I kind of have just gone on the notion that everyone is a tip on a bag of vinegar flavored vaginal fluid displacement. I guess the thing the ever so vague "they" tell me I need to blame is the people who got the whole War on Drugs thing going. I remind myself that every night when I'm furiously masturbating to a picture of Nancy Reagan with her eyes crossed out and little horns drawn on her head. (just kidding guys....the picture's actually in its original condition don't worry).

No but seriously, like is this the best we as a society can come up with? Trump is our president and we are trying to blame Russia and all that these fingers pointing every which direction are telling me is that no one is (wo)man enough to admit they done fucked up! No one had a shot of vodka waiting for them in those voting booths. Nancy wasn't the first trap hoe that shot me up with heroine and an entire generation cant be held responsible for the mere fact that people have been fucking around in our financial system for as long as its been alive.

OWN. YOUR. SHIT.
I don't want to know you if you can't

The Self-Loathing Egotist

I find that contradictions are the most common occurrences in human nature. Our psyche is designed to say one thing and do another. Opposites attract and likeness repel and this results in us hating in others the very thing people hate about us. Personally, I will honk at the slow going minivan in front of me at a green light but if someone finds my foot to be lead filled, I'll slow my acceleration to snails pace and hold my middle finger up so they are sure to see. It is this phenomenon that brought me to title myself a self-loathing egotist.

I brag and complain almost simultaneously about my self-awareness. I find I know exactly what people are saying behind the things they say to me. I can lay out my faults, weaknesses, strengths, uniqueness, frustrations, and more but my downfall lies in the drive to change them. No one will ever shock me with the things they say to me about me, my brain is in a constant mode of analysis. Where are they looking, what are they doing, are their responses engaging or are they attempting to push away the conversation; a particular friend of mine will talk with such obliviousness to how people around them are not wanting to listen and I stare and wonder if he is like me. That is, aware but without care.

I think this is probably a common concept among social intellects; which I, for the most part, consider myself. A polite person corrects themselves while a concieted person stands on the principle that everyone else is wrong, and they aren't that annoying. I regrettably admit the latter describes me most often. I laugh at my own jokes, interrupt others with *relevant* interjections, and mumble with the expectation that everyone can understand me. I'm learning to be better but I become so apathetic to change because I've never seen anyone change their ways for the benefit of me and our friendship but I know I can't compare my choices to others. I survive on the principle that we are to treat others how we wish to be treated and not how they treat us and before you yell at your screen, I know I'm not always successful; I'm human after all. I treat others how I'd like to be treated but I do not ever want to be friends with someone like me, isn't that ironic?

I'm thinking we can't help but love ourselves and we can't help but hate ourselves as well. We will do things out of character that even make our own selves go, "who the fuck are you?" and in those times in my life I find myself in crisis. I wonder if I deserve the good I have but I'm too selfish to give it up if I can help it. Am I going to go my whole life like this? Not knowing if I deserve the good and feeling wronged by the bad?  Is this in fact the true human condition, the very thing that separates us?

I'm leaving this topic for now, but trust that it stays with me every moment of every day. We all just want happiness and some are better than others at finding it. Those of us with complex intellectual minds are at a disadvantage because we question everything. But I wouldn't trade it for ignorance  if my life depended on it.